Thursday, February 28, 2008

A little bit o' the ol' Webwanderin'

Everyday my time at the desk is spent in a pleasant routine: Checking my work e-mail, responding should I happen to have inbox presents, overhearing the co-workers ramble (sometime joining in, other times religiously scribbling down what they say for further usage in my wonderment), and scanning Reddit for interesting tidbits from around the internets (thankfully, I have not yet reached the end of the internet and have therefore been able to avoid the blackhole that is 4chan...but I fear this time is nigh).

This last item tends to last sporadically throughout my morning until I routinely switch over to Digg to fill the hours post-lunch. It is during these Web 2.0 wanderings that I find some interesting things. In the vein of Whitney Matheson over at EW, I think I'll start sharing them.


Every little war matters
Ever see an interesting Billboard speaking it's message a little too loudly? Then chances are you've seen the work of the Billboard Liberation Front, attacking your visual orifices with quiet riots of the marketing sort. Here's a good'un:




For the mutants among us
People are fuckin' weird. 'Nuff said.


Consumerism- not just for the soulless anymore
Steve Olson, a blogger whose site I will assuredly begin visiting more often, has an interesting article up about an hour well spent in the Mall of America and the general vapidity and falsities of the products we as consumers crave. I'll admit it, I'm guilty of gazing up at the rail thin models in American Eagle and wishing I could don those low-rider jeans and floral tanktop as I wandered across a perpetually backlit meadow with a frozen vacant smile on my rosy lips. Instead, I suffer myself to don form flattering hipster jeans and a trusty ol' t-shirt as I stroll down a perpetually smog ridden concrete wonderland with a frozen sneer of "don't look at my iPod Mr. Scary Stranger" embedded in my dead, cold, fear-ridden eyes.

o__O

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

daily haiku for February 26, 2008

I keep pushing these
further back in my day. So
I should step it up
Word of the Day
behoove- (v.) to be necessary or proper for, as for moral or ethical considerations; be incumbent on.
"Britta's brandishing of the bazooka was not behooving of her stature in the workplace."

Pot...Kettle

Today when I was responding to an e-mail I typed "so BUSY!"
In actuality, it was typo'd as "so BUSTY!" but then I fixed it.

Both would have been true.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Daily Haiku for February 22, 2008

Cue: Mason and Dixon rolling in their graves.
Are you really creepin' North?!
Lawdy lawd, sweet pea.
Word of the Day
appetence- (n.) intense desire; strong natural craving; appetite.
"After almost all anthologies addressed Abraham's adeptness, Abigail aleviated her amorous appetence for asystematic allegories."


Thursday, February 21, 2008

"I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father'. "

The title quote is attributed to Will Rogers.


I don’t really know why the recent secession of Kosovo and the ensuing riotous Serbians have so fully captured my attention more so than the current political carnival occurring in my own backyard has been able to do thus far, yet ever since I awoke on the morning of February 17, 2008 I have been following the story adamantly. Perhaps it is the general excitement of a new country being formed and birthed while I am cognizantly aware of the positive and negative repercussions brought forward from the afterbirth.

In vein with that thought I am on the one hand extremely excited about this development in the world, this fresh blast of revolutionary air that has brought a purpose to many a stranded global soldier idling his days in the bases of Europe. Given a fresh perspective on life in former U.S.S.R. nations and the peoples wants and needs for a better way of life and taking these dreams by the reins and guiding them towards fruition.

On the other, it is a scary thing to witness- the separation of a state from its former country, the segregation and alienation of people who just the day before were countrymen. While seeing the immediate support of the US, the majority of the EU states, and few left-fielders (Turkey and Croatia) excites and intrigues me, the abrupt anger from Russia and lack of recognition from Cyprus, Greece, Spain and others interests me (as well as scares me a little). It is an exciting time we are living in, and I can only thrill that I am old enough, knowledgeable enough, and willing to pay attention to and follow the developments.

When the Cold War ended and the former Soviet Union dissipated I was all of 8 years old and cared only for the residual peace of Eternia and the autocratic government that Lion-O and his gang of feline friends were so ardently trying to establish on Third Earth. Real world politics hardly interested me. As former Yugoslavia fell apart I believe I was only vaguely aware of what was occurring in that far distant land, in countries that had no direct effect on my middle-class suburban upbringing. In 2003, when Yugoslavia officially disappeared from the map, I did not even know- so wrapped up was I in my time at UCI, dating, seeing shows, buying things; in other words, I was busy being twenty years of age.

In my selfish defense, I will say that Montenegro’s split in 2006 was something I was aware of, but not for standard reason of caring about the world. I was aware of it because of our Slavic hausfrau in Frankfurt whose family was currently living in what is now Montenegro. I’ll never forget that day I walked into the kitchen and saw Maria leaning against the kitchen sink, cell-phone in hand, with watery eyes and a distantly shocked smile. In our broken German she was able to tell me what had happened and I was able to understand the momentous occasion. For the first time in my life the goings-on in Eastern Europe affected me directly[1]. I suppose, looking back, that they have effected me all along; my dad being in the Air Force must have flown missions in Eastern Europe. My sisters and I have a sneaking suspicion that he had been to Russia in the 1980s, but this is still something he cannot honestly tell us. It has only come up in rummaging through old boxes and finding the odd Russian souvenir, Cyrillically scrawled notes dated from the early 80s, and one foggy mentioning of a winter’s eve on the streets of Moscow or St. Petersburg. Therefore, much of my childhood must have been directly aligned with the former USSR falling apart; where else would we have gotten those hand-carved and painted matryoshka dolls I so fondly remember stacking inside the other’s delicately crafted shell?

But ANYWAY, I’m wandering as I consider my own (as I’m now realizing) very Western/Eastern European upbringing. My point is, that day in June almost two years ago completely changed the way I look at the world. I had been susceptible to human suffering for sometime, been thinking about America’s effect on the world since I was in high school; but not until I actually lived elsewhere and met people from these fledgling countries clutching on the apron strings of the European Union, did I actually begin to think about them, and as Hannah Arendt said, “thinking itself is dangerous”, dangerously good.

It was in this thinking mode that I had begun to dissect the world as I knew it- pulling bits from all over the globe, places I had been, things I had seen, truths I had learned and fallacies I had realized. I began to weave these together and see, for the first time in my life, the interconnectedness of absolute being. It is a theme touched on by many a philosopher from David Loy to Daniel Altman, Ken Bell to Doctor Who; the idea that the smallest person matters, no matter how big or small[2]. Whether you write the next great American novel, or become president, or lead a revolution the size of Gambia, every single person on this planet is connected and matters in the grand scheme of things. Douglas Adams should essentially be credited as the first person to bring this idea to light in my previously pop-culturally obsessed head when he created the Earth as a massive computer and the humans populating this massive spinning hard-drive as the mere tools, the cogs and gears, working towards that final answer[3].

I once told a high school trigonometry class that we as a country are “overdue for a revolution”; a statement that they took at first to be overtly anarchic and a little atheistic, yet this is a sentiment I firmly believe. I believe that Americans as a people have gotten far too comfortable and therein lies our greatest weakness. We are growing fat off of this contentedness, slothful off of our past successes, weary to the world’s continual struggle as we exist inside this bubble of achievement given to us by a previous generation that is quickly becoming extinct, anaesthetized to the revolutionary fervor that runs through the veins of all mankind. We need a revolution, we need a riot, we need secession, and we need something to give this country life once again, something to which the up and coming class (of which I am a part) can take ownership of and be proud. To light, the closest I have seen to this in my adulthood years are the actions of people of the internet rising Anonymously to subvert the cult-like powers of Scientology. A small revolution when compared to the bravery of our grandfathers and forefathers, but a start, a positive start when taking into account the thousands of people worldwide who have contributed to the cause, nonetheless.

So back to Kosovo, this new nation born unto the world not five days ago, will it last? Will it succeed? Will it be absorbed back into the Slavic shelter of Serbia? Will civil war emerge? Will Russia make good on their threats (for fear of yet another round of post-Cold War separatism) and send Eastern Europe back into the spiraling shadows of struggle and smoke? How long will the UN aid Kosovo? How many more embassies will burn? How long with the EU continue to staff their police forces and government? What will happen? This is a very exciting time be to in, kids. That’s the only answer that currently seems acceptable. To paraphrase a sentiment I have heard many a time yet never fully understood until this past Sunday, “Ours is a very exciting time to be alive” and I could not agree more.

Americans, take note:

“What country can preserve its liberties, if its rulers are not warned from time to time that this people preserve the spirit of resistance? Let them take arms.”

-Thomas Jefferson



[1] Maria quickly travelled to see her family and help them build a household in their new country, thus making way for Frau ----, the woman who accused me of stealing from the Langenbucher-Adolff family.

[2] It should be noted that Dr. Seuss will also be included on this list of philosophers who discussed the interconnectedness of being. See: Horton Hears a Who; specifically the line “a person’s a person, no matter how small.”

[3] Coincidentally, this answer is “42”, Sorry to ruin it.

Daily Haiku for February 21, 2008

That Is, Of Course, If He Hadn't Frozen To Death In Goldeneye
Take that, silly world!
Southpaws are INVINCIBLE!
Boris would be proud.

Word of the Day
demiurge- (n.) a powerful creative force or personality; a supernatural being imagined as creating or fashioning the world in subordination to the Supreme Being, and sometimes regarded as the originator of evil.
"Despite Dedalus' depictions, the deliciously devilish demiurge destroyed Desmond's dwelling delightedly."

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Daily Haiku for february 20, 2008

We spent the day in
the clouds. But then the rain stopped.
Global Warming, boo.

Word of the Day
cogitative- (adj.) meditating; contemplating.
"Carefully, Cora created cogitative castles calling on Clemon's clairvoyance."

Freudian Fingerslip

Sometimes when I am typing the word "security" is misspell it as "sexcurity". This amuses me.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

The inside of the card reads, "Our love will evolve."

Daily Haiku for February 14, 2008

Britta's Date for V-day? The Treadmill!
Cyndi made brownies.
I shall eat one and rejoice!
Happy VD, yo.

Word of the Day
doctrinaire- (n.) a person who tries to apply some doctrine or theory without sufficient regard for practical considerations; an impractical theorist.
"Delroy deluded dogmatic deities by deigning derivitative decisions on his doctrinairial designs."


Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Daily Haiku for February 13, 2008

Busy, busy day.
Also, it is foggy out.
Hooray! Good weather!

Word of the Day
perdurable- (adj.) Very durable; lasting; continuing long.
"Pantheus' protagonistic parable preceeding Pandora's perdurable pandering, playing peasant to pleasant purposes."

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Daily Haiku for February 12, 2008

I can haz penguin?
Now: an internet
meme for those of you savvy
enough to get it.

I can haz penguin?

Monday, February 11, 2008

Daily Haiku for February 11, 2008

I am quite hungry.
Perhaps I should have had the
oatmeal this morning.

Word of the Day
supposititious- (adj.) fraudulently substituted or pretended; spurious; not genuine.
"Serafino's supposititious slanders successfully seduced Serafina."

Workweek Playlist, Vol. 4
1. "So Alive" by Love and Rockets
2. "The Henney Buggy Band" by Sufjan Stevens
3. "Lips Like Sugar" by Echo and the Bunnymen
4. "I've Underestimated My Charm (Again)" by Black Kids
5. "Kennedy" by Ratatat
6. "Fangs on Bats" by Tullycraft



Build Me An Army Worthy of Mordor...


Be warned, shallow inhabitants of Earth. I shall rear a great Army and you shall know them by their masked eyes and burly stance. Bereaved you shall be upon witnessing the might of my PANDARMY!!!

Friday, February 08, 2008

Oh Shit, Y'all!!!

Irrefutable evidence of the existence of sand-worms and the desert planet of Arrakis. See how the sand-worm extends himself from the spice to attack the approaching Harkonnen Starship?

Suck on that, non-believers!
!!!LINK!!!

Daily Haiku for February 8, 2008

I Think Spring Is On It's Way
Walking to my car
I sidestepped a sleeping snail.
It was pretty cool.

That Is, Of Course, If Michael Eisner Can Be Believed...
And apparently
the Writer's Strike is over.
Hurrah! and all that.

Word of the Day
heteroclite- (adj.) irregular or abnormal; anomalous.
"Herodotus' heteroclitical histories helped to heave harrowed harbingers having hefted heavy humans."

Thursday, February 07, 2008

It's called "priorities", kids.

So y'all hold on tight now. We gotta get those demmed Yanks to respeck us here swamp folks.

Daily Haiku for February 7, 2008

Definitely NOT Steve.
Saw my new workspace,
I shall now craft a password.
Few will be welcome.

Word of the Day
susurrus- (n.) A soft, whispering or rustling sound; a murmur.
"Celine sighed softly shuttering a soft susurrical sound satisfactorily."

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Daily Haiku for February 6, 2008

Another one?!!?
People come and go
So very quickly round here
Goodbye, Melissa :(

Word of the Day
perfidious- (adj.) deliberately faithless; treacherous; deceitful.
"Piolonius' pathetic perfidiousness pre-empted Pandora's proudly preening pretention of Piolonius' palatable perfection."

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Daily Haiku for February 5, 2008

Perhaps It's The Awesome Tights I'm Wearing
For some weird reason
Wearing a skirt and knee boots
Makes me smile today.
Word of the Day
apocryphal- (adj.) of doubtful authorship or authenticity.
"Ahab's apocryphal addendum's added amusing alibis to Alexandre's altruistic appedices."

"Reviews of Movies You've Already Seen"

No. 1: Shoot 'Em Up

By: Everyman

“Holy fuckin’ fuck, dude. Did you see that shit? First, that guy’s just sittin’, hangin’ out. No big deal right? Then this hot ass pregnant chick comes runnin’ down the street and DUDE, I’m tellin’ you, for a knocked-up chick, she was fuckin’ HAWT. Like that bitch from Gay’s Anatomy but, like, totally hotter. And then bad-ass Owen, man he just sits there till some skinny-ass fuck comes runnin’ after the knocked up chick. Game over, man. That dude is fuckin’ ended.

So that Owen dude, man, he just strolls right in after the skinny-fuck, and shoves a god-damned carrot into his fuckin’ eye. Shit! The he takes the gun from the pregnant bitch as all these Black Ops fucks start shooting up the place. Next thing you know Owen and the chick are running like crazy, shooting everything in sight, and she fuckin’ pops the kid out all before getting shot in the head. So Owen, he, like, takes the kid. What the fuck!? Leave that shit and run, dude! But no, takes the kid and fuckin’ jets. So that fat guy from Sideways (shuddup man, my girlfriend made me watch it. Fuck wine!) gets all pissed off and starts chasing down Clive Owen. Now, seriously? Owen is a scary fucker, all carrots and accent and fucking guns out the ASS. Why the fuck anyone would chase him, fucked if I know. BUT GET THIS. Owen goes to a whore house and starts hangin’ out with that chick from the Matrix movies. No, asshat, not Trinity. Skinny ass dyke. The chick from the second one, with the tits. Yeah, Monica Bellwhatshername. Fuckin’ HAWT, dude. Owen’s all, ‘Take the kid,’ but her fine ass won’t, so then the fat fuck comes in and starts shootin’ up the place and burning her with the barrel of his gun. DUDE, so freakin’ close to a crotch shot. Fuck yeah!

Oh man, and the cars! Fuckin’ Owen keeps stealing cars, yeah? Nothing but BMWs. Nice as hell and he destroys the FUCK outta them.

But yeah, shit goes down and they end up fucking DURING a shoot-out. Like, Big Titties is all, 'Yes! yes!' while homeboy is all, 'No you don't, fuckers!' shooting up the joint and makin' her scream. Dude is a fucking MAN's man. And I SWEAR I saw nipple, dude. Swear to effin' GAWD. Dude, fuckin' awesome movie."

Friday, February 01, 2008

Daily Haiku for February 1, 2008

Tonight, I will dine
in Hell! Well, not really, no.
Rather, my kitchen.
Word of the Day
cloyed- (v.) To cause distaste or disgust by supplying with too much of something originally pleasant, especially something rich or sweet; surfeit.
"Claudia's cloistered class crassly cloyed caffienated coffees causing caustic candors."

Oh Yes, One More Thing...

Star Wars Edition
"That's What She Said!"

clickthelinkclickthelinkclickthelinkclickthelinkclickthelinkclickthelink
clickthelinkclickthelinkclickthelinkclickthelinkclickthelinkclickthelink
clickthelinkclickthelinkclickthelinkclickthelinkclickthelinkclickthelink
clickthelinkclickthelinkclickthelinkclickthelinkclickthelinkclickthelink.

That's One Way To Start Your Friday

For the last year (almost exactly) I have started my Friday mornings by listening to Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" as a way to stave off the end of the week malaise caused by a soul crushing job. Granted that this time last year I was working in a job I absolutely LOVED, hanging out with asshole teenagers all day and making the most obscure references possible whilst re-enacting trench and/or guerrilla warfare, but that's besides the point.

I still follow this strict Friday morning ritual, having added to the playlist the following tunes:

"Lady" by Styx
"Final Countdown" by Europe
"Any Way You Want It" by Journey
"Mr. Blue Sky" by ELO
"Come Sail Away" by Styx
and
"Cold As Ice" by Foreigner

I have also added to the mix two roommates who seem to enjoy these fist-pumping songs almost as much as I do. In fact, I find it hard to imagine any Friday morning without the scrubs laden ER Nurse and X-Ray Tech air-guitaring and jump kicking their way through the house along with my high-heeled Legal Assistant self, all of us using various kitchen utensils as microphones (I myself tend to favor the pancake spatula as I find it offers an excellent rotund shape reminiscent of the olde-timey microphones the likes of which Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday once crooned their lovelies into).

This ritual, as odd as it may seem, has replaced the Early Morning Shower Concerto (See: Ferris Bueller's Day Off) and is followed by the A.M. Commute Symphony in G(as) in order to guarantee an excellent start to my Friday mornings sitting in the corner of my vanilla colored office where my co-workers seem to think I am either a) deaf, b) nonchalant and as thick-skinned as a rhinoceros, or c) so absolutely retarded that I don't know what it means when their voices drop as I enter a room and the guilty stares begin darting everywhere but to my face.

Oh yes, and things like this make my Fridays bearable as well: