Work Product, Example No. 17

O, Ryan North, object of my Internet Crushdom. You and your silly yet awesome Dinosaur Comics. When I tentatively move to Canada following a specific outcome of next week's election, we shall meet and fall madly in love. It is destined to be!

Tomorrow is Hallowe'en! That means I have to come up with some other AWESOME WEBCOMIC (tm) to emulate.

My older sister gave me a $50 gift card to Victoria's Secret for my biRthday. I used this to purchase a super sexy gold and black lace bra; an item SO SEXY that seeing it would cause your face to melt much like that one Nazi in Raiders. You know what I'm talking about.
In other news: LEGOS ARE FRIGGIN' AWESOME.

Work Product, Example No. 17

Natalie Dee. Go there. LOVE IT.

The Hallowe'en costume is almost finished! The shield (as of last night) seems to be finished and fetching. Tonight I'll play domestic goddess and fashion some sort of satchel to carry my "treats" in, as well as put together the necklace/pendant thingy.

Pale Young Gentlemen are playing The Knitting Factory on Nov. 9th if anyone is interested. Les Blanks is playing with The Voyeurs tomorrow night at R Bar in Koreatown. Lineup alone promises a fun time. The Voyeurs were downright awesome when I caught them at The Echo and Les Blanks rocks a certain Les Savy Fav tonality, one can only hope their enthusiasm keeps up. Most likely I will be catching their set at Mr. T's on Nov. 13th.

Also, check out Honey Claws' "Shout Out" if you're a fan of Animal Collective inspired, golly-this-makes-my-throat-hurt, screamy, poppy electronica.

Da-da-da-da-DA-DAT-DAT.

Awesome Internet Friend Probation

The Awesome Internet De-Friendings have begun! The following have been placed on Awesome Internet Friend Probation until November 5th, 2008:

Jim Buracchio- Facebook. Crime: Posting a McCain/Palin button on my page.

Michele (formerly) Metcalf- MySpace. Crime: Linking to a CafePress anti-Obama page, posting political nonsense in the Bulletin.

Aaron Goins Lewis- MySpace. Crime: Posting political boobies in the bulletin which, while hilarious, earns him an AIFP.

Shawn Weiske- MySpace. Crime: Prop 8 Propaganda on the bulletin. Though our views are spot on and I agree wholeheartedly, I've got to stick to my guns. Vote NO on Prop 8. AIFP, Mr. Weiske. Batti batti indeed.

Aubrey Guest- MySpace. Crime: Bulletin barrage. I wish people and politics could get along like a fine tea and crumpet...or like pumpkin pie and whipped cream. Damn, I'm hungry now. However, the First Amendement goes both ways. AIFP.

Matthew Wheeler- Myspace. Crime: Prop 8 Propaganda. I agree with you good sir, NO on Prop 8. But a girl must stand by what she said. AIFP 'til Nov. 5th, 2008. Sadly, I won't be in the area to serve as a real-life effectual activist instead of an armchair activist, but I love you the more for getting out there and doing more than hollering on bulletins. SPREAD THE WORD SWEET PEA, and I'll do the same from Orange County! AIFP.

AS A REMINDER:

(posted in the Bulletin on Friday, October 24, 2008)

Dearest friends, family, and acquaintances:

I get it. This election is important. You want to share your views, let the world know what you think and feel and believe is good and right in the world.

But guess what? I DON'T NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.

Should you feel the need to divulge your economic brilliance and/or military stratagem then by all means blog about it, send a personalized e-mail, make a poster, wear a t-shirt, write a speech and stand on the corner of Fairfax and Santa Monica with the rest of the Nouveau-Politico Mercenaries.

Constantly seeing poorly written, anti-Obama slander and "OMG Did You Hear What Palin Said NOW?" diatribes cluttering up my bulletin board not only makes it hard to weed out the good surveys from the bad, but moreso dulls the senses to the campaigns of these two men who may or may not take the steps needed towards changing our current national state. It's bad enough one can't drive to the grocery store without being harangued by ill-informed lobbyists vaulting their favorite candidate in your face, but now the trivial silliness of MySpace is no longer safe.

Here's the deal:

If I want political updates, I will most likely not be turning to MySpace.

If I want to research a candidate, I will most likely not be turning to MySpace.

If I want to become informed on the bills being passed and the possible effects they will have on my way of life and pursuit of happiness, I most definitely WILL NOT be turning to MySpace.

If I want to read the gripes and concerns of imagined 50yr old war veterans scribing open letters to men who will never read them all for the sake of some naive 18+ year old out there to read, I will not be turning to MySpace.

In short: These things have no purpose in the bulletins. They can sit comfortably in your blog, fair enough. Send a bulletin out saying, "OH HAI GUYZ. I wrote a blog. LOLZ. Check it out <3">

But please, keep it out of the bulletin board. It has come to the point that the next person to post a bit of political nonsense will most likely be defriended until Election Day has come and gone. Then we can all be awesome internet friends once again and argue over who was right and who was wrong.

Much love,

Me.

Work Product, Example No. 16

This has happened to me TWICE, kiddywinks. That damn Jedi Academy sticker is a homing beacon for NerdCops. Whatever, atleast on Wednesday he let me off with a warning. Also, that was the highlight of my Wednesday...aside from getting 'Nantes' figured out on Tobias Funkulele Jr., Jr. Mais oui.

IN OTHER NEWS:

Finally gave TV On The Radio's Dear Science a good ol' listen-loo. Verdict: AWESOME. Starting strong with "Halfway Home" it quickly descends into familiar TVOTR ground before tugging on the heart strings midway with "Family Tree"; a song so beautifully constructed and boasting lyrics any aspiring songster aches to dream up ("And in the shadow of the gallows of your family tree/There's a hundred hearts soar free/Pumping blood to the roots of evil to keep it young," Glorious). The album winds it all up with what is the most awesomely disturbing love song ever, "Lover's Day," because, c'mon, who doesn't sing about cannibalizing the corpse of their lover after breaking their back? Oh, and it's damn catchy, too.

Full of vivid imagery, hummable melodies and crunchily pleasant production, Dear Science hooks you from the start and keeps delivering the goodies in a way that would make any Escape to Cookie Mountain loving, Williamsburg cycling, Huffington Post reading audiophile smile a facetious smile and maybe, just maaybe, start tapping their foot in lieu of an outright dance of joy.

Work Product, Example No. 15

(linked for bigness...and AWESOMENESS)

The First Annual Foofy Wine Party was, I should say, a whopping success. Jackson got half naked, Graham, Jessie, Andrew and Jackson squared off in Franzia Pong, I nursed a bottle of Possman's Apfelwein, Amy was absolutely blasted, and by the end of the night everyone went home happily besotten.

At work on Sunday I was playing my uke in the booth when this guy wandered up to me and started an odd little conversation:

"You play uke?" he asked, cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth. I glanced down at the finely crafted instrument in my hands before answering.
"Yes."
"Excellent," he responded, squinting his eyes at Tobias Funkulele, Jr. imploringly. "You gonna play me sommat?"
"Sure," I shrugged, launching into the recently learned 'Elephant Gun'. The stranger began tapping his foot in time, deeply inhaling his Camel and exhaling with a sigh. I finished the riff after a few repeats and stared back at him from my plastic chair.
"You from Washington?" he asked, opening his eyes and studying my features.
"No sir," I responded.
"You sure? You look like you're from Washington," he coughed a little.
"Nope, born in England, raised in California," I grinned, half wanting him to wander off, and half wanting to buy him a coffee and learn exactly why I looked like I came from Washington.
"Welp," he glanced to the left and nodded to someone I couldn't see, "You sure do look like a Washingtonian...mebbe even a Seattle-ite,"
"I...thank you?"
"Demm right it's a 'thank you!" He stuck out a calloused hand, fingernails stained with what looked like dirt and oil. "'Name's Ryan."
"Britta," I shook his hand firmly.
"Nice meetin' ya." And then he wandered off as quickly as he'd arrived.

The OC Marketplace is a fascinating study of the human race.

Work Product, Example No. 14

For serious, those words fell from my mouth as the cars in front of me failed to move FORWARDS when the light turned green in Seal Beach. Immediately hands clasped over my intranetted gob and shocked washed across my face.

I spend entirely too much time on the internet.

Work Product, Example No. 13

(linked for bigness and AWESOMENESS.)

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

"These are the people in my crazy head, in my crazy head, in my cra-zee head!"

For those days when I just don't have the creative spark to do a long strand of "teh phunny", I now give you a series of 'people I know', or atleast 'the entertaining people I know who will possibly show up in a strand at some point so it's nice to have a template reference of what they look like' MSPaint.

Took a mile walk, in my heels, during my lunch today and now I can barely stand. It's like some sick annual tradition with me. "Oh, it's October? TIME TO INJURE MY FEET!"

2002: Tripping up the GORRAM Rohan stairs resulting in a sprained tendon, three days missed work, crutches, bloodwork (for some unknown reason) and an awesome wrap on my foot.

2003: Running the Back Bay Trail only to step into a GORRAM hidden sinkhole resulting in a painful 2 mile hobble back to the compound.

2004: Getting wasted at the Westin Bonaventure and slipping in a puddle on the GORRAM cement floor in my 3.5 inch heels resulting in a wickedly twisted ankle and fun drive back to Newport Beach the next morning.

2005: Hiking up a GORRAM GERMAN MOUNTAIN in new boots with Nikki resulting in horribly blistered, bruised and bleeding feet worthy of a Grimm stepsister.

2006: Running a GORRAM desert trail in shoes accustomed to paved city streets and riverways resulting in a horrid blood blister and losing a toenail (ew).

2007: Dropping a GORRAM plastic crate full of books on my foot resulting in awful bruising, the inability to flex my toes and a weeks worth of limping around like a bound Chinese girl.

I can only pray that next October is just as fulfilling. Wouldn't want this glorious tradition to cease, now would we?

Work Product, Example No. 12

Work Product, Example No. 11

Work Product, Example No. 10

Work Product, Example No. 9