Thursday, January 31, 2008

That's What She Thinks or A Short Musing on Building Design in Relation To the Probability of Their Being Struck by an Aeroplane

In discussing the fact that the office of the Garcia Law Firm is located at 1 World Trade Center in Long Beach, my coworker regaled us with a story about a man who refused to deliver things to this building, requiring her to meet him at the Starbucks down the street. Now, I must admit I see the obscure reasoning behind this as since the infamous 9/11 the words "world” “trade” and “center" have struck fear into the most paranoid of hearts in these great United States of ‘Merica; what logic I find more difficult to follow is this:

“It’s not like our building is tall enough to even get struck by an airplane.”

Let us think about that statement for a moment while allowing the various images of airplanes striking low lying buildings such as tumble down shacks in Tennessee badlands, hangars in Taiwan, and four-storey government buildings in Virginia. Got those in your mind, now permanently seared into your retina? Good, so I repeat:

“It’s not like our building is tall enough to even get struck by an airplane.”

Apparently, and until now unknown to me, there exists a magical height, an optimal elevation if you will, for buildings that wish to “fly under the radar” (forgive the awfulness) of passing aeroplanes. Also, apparently, this optimal level of stories wherein a building is sure not to be struck by a mass of steel and gasoline propelling towards them at ungodly speeds is somewhere between five (the level of above ground floors of the Pentagon) and twenty-seven (the topmost floor of the Long Beach World Trade Center). According to the logic of my coworker, buildings within this range are sure never to be struck by the aforementioned mass of metal and flammable substances hurling towards them at ungodly speeds.

Therefore, the safest building height to ensure one is not brought to an early demise by a carelessly gone astray TWA flight is that of sixteen floors. Those of you working in buildings that rest below or above this limit line must forthwith begin a move towards more appropriate structures to ensure a long lived life in this wonderful country of ours. Remember, masses of metal and flammable substances hurling towards buildings are truly fickle creatures who cannot be bothered with mid-height run-of-the-mill structures. They either go for the gold of the low-lying, or the easily attainable Babellian Towers mocking the skies.

Daily Haiku for January 31, 2008

It slaughters the kidneys, Ma.
Why is it every
lady in this office likes
to eat Super Mex?
Word of the Day
opuscle- (n.) a small or minor work; a literary or musical work of small size.
"Orlando's oppressions observed obsequious ostracizations opposing opuscular orchestrations."

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Daily Haiku for January 30, 2008

You know, this just puts
a big sinking feeling in
the pit of my tum.
Word of the Day
expatriate- (v.)
1. to banish (a person) from his or her native country.
2. to withdraw (oneself) from residence in one's native country.
3. to withdraw (oneself) from allegiance to one's country.
"I find myself wanting to expatriate once again until this muddled mess is worked out."

Friday, January 25, 2008

Oh, CNN...

Every now and then I am happy to traipse across the frontpage of of CNN.com- on those rare days where Britney does not make the headlines, one is almost guaranteed a clever report on the balance of the international economics system, a witty tirade against a leading academic institution, or perhaps, an intelligent commentary on the current political schema of the United States:




"The Clinton's Double-Team Obama". I didn't know the Littlerock Slammer required a bonafide safety words these days. Touche, Bill. Accolades, Hillary.

CNN, you make me proud to be an American who wishes to expatriate once again. Spiegel.de, here I come.

Daily Haiku for January 25, 2008

I am not at work
today, suckers! Ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Word of the Day
proclivity- (n.) natural or habitual inclination or tendency; propensity; predisposition
"Petraus' proclivitous proclamations propounded previously proven properties."

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Stick is a Dirty Rat Bastard

Daily Haiku for January 24, 2008

Mmmm...CPK

Today I choose lunch.
We shall have true wonderness.
I shall not share mine.

Word of the Day
abstemious- (adj.) sparing or moderate in eating and drinking; temperate in diet.
"Abigail's addiction to adverse abbreviates allowed for abstemiously alotted abstractions."